do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
