You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
are you so shy because you have an std?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
