please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
