don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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