apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize