it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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