So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
