The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
People in love make me want to vomit
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
