I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
