The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
