When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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