Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
