a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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