When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize