I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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