True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
