how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
