the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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