his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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