I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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