Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
