my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
