i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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