in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
