...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
