I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
