Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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