Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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