i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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