Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
