His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
