You just made me feel so damn special
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
