I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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