i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
