Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
