Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
