it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
