I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
