I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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