my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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