sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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