who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
