I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want her autograph on my taint
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
