So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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