didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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