I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
