I just cut my nipple shaving
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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