Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize