Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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