I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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