I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Everything about him screamed your future.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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