Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
