So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
