Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
