There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
