Please, let me fuck your mom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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