Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So much Jack, so little girl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
