Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
