you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
