please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
