I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
