Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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