just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
