Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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