Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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