I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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