oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
