So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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