just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
where are my eyebrows?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
